i need you so much closer...

so, this distance is a problem.
it's not that i'm not able to deal with it,
but i certainly don't like it.

if i had this all to do again,
i would have gone with her straightaway...
but of course nyc (read: life) is not easy like that.

it may never be easy.
(life either for that matter...)
that is troublesome in and of itself.
but i'm not down on the idea of being there.
i'm just down on the situation at hand.

it's funny how when we first met i was annoyed by the fact that she would call me on the phone and talk my ear off about nothing.
now i'm annoyed that we can't even make small talk and the 'big stuff' seems akward and impossible for phone conversation.
there's no blame.
there's just a void that i want very badly to fill,
and there's really only one way to fill it.
i'd be lying if i said i didn't ache.
but i'm afraid to say it, or show it.
in fear, i guess.
of what?
who knows?