Right now I'm at WIDR doing my radio show.
Of late, I've been really bored with filling up three hours of broadcasting so, I've been playing really long songs.
I don't think people like it when I play long songs. I don't care. It gets them to call and make requests...
which, they never seem to do when I ask...

I think a lot of people ride the fader on the long songs and find a way out when they realize they've been hearing feedback and warbly bloops for more than ten minutes. Not I...

As far as I'm concerned, 15 solid minutes of Acid Mothers Temple is way better than 3 minutes of Hot Hot Heat, followed by 3 minutes of Interpol, followed by 3 minutes of Spoon, followed by 3 minutes of Ikara Colt, followed by three minutes of old Pavement.
Although I think I will have to play more Ikara Colt next week. (Supposedly, Wire is to Elastica as the Fall is to Ikara Colt)
Sounds good to me!

Wow, someone just called and requested Godspeed You! Black Emperor. They only have long songs as well...
Someone out there is feelin' me. Yeah!

I had three seperate or three sizable pieces of the same dream that I could easily remember this morning. These all had to do with my marriage :

Part One: I'm riding in a car with my friends from high school. We are driving down W. Michigan Ave. in Kalamazoo. Passengers include myself, Sarah Avril, Tara Rossi, and Alex McDonough. We were celebrating by going out to dinner. The funny thing about this is that while both Sarah and Tara were my friends in high school--Alex was not. Alex just lived down the block from me. He dropped off of my friendship radar around the fifth or sixth grade for several reasons. We had changed schools from one that was a few blocks walking distance around the third grade to one that we were bussed to. Different classrooms, his participation in sports, fostering of different friendships... etc. I don't think I even remember talking to him once in high school. My mother told me, just a few months ago, that he always had problems with school. I don't think I ever knew that.

Part Two: Allison and I are trying to write our vows. We're in a bathroom that doesn't exist in my parents house--due to renovations. We're looking through old picture books through a mirror that plays them like movies. The mirror is this old ugly wooden medicine cabinet that my parents used to own. Most of the movie/pictures revolve around my hairstyles, which according to this dream included Braveheart-esque long flowing locks, and short, curly, black coils with bleached blonde portions. Trust me when I say that neither of these two styles ever happened.

Part Three: My parents and I are trying to get ready for the wedding ceremony. Miles R. is there. He is quizzing my father on the Ouiji board. I distincly remember him using the phrase "vibrationally directed divining rod." He looks really good, but his hair is still in its usual fucked up style. We are eating pasta which is spattering all over my suit. We're also watching PBS, an animated version of the Two Towers, which is also being played-out, live action, around us. Kate Winslet is one of the evil characters and she's interrogating Flash (this guy that used to work with Allison's at the Epic Bistro--he has uncanny resemblence to Elijah Wood. We're all holding huge lances and spears with flags and tapestries hanging from them. I need to get going to the wedding. I can feel I need to leave. My statement is, of course: "It sucks that PBS doesn't have commercials."

It's funny to me how Simon apologized on his weblog about bitching about work. For me, if I can't bitch about work... I am not living!!

Honestly, I hope that it isn't always this way.

Today at work was pretty mundane. Actually it was a pretty easy and hassle free day.
My boss was pretty chill, customers weren't as annoying as usual, (even though the usual suspects were abound), and there was enough work to keep me busy, but not make the day hectic. The last hour dragged on a bit, but overall days like today are alright with me.

Allison has been going e-bay crazy... with selling things that is. Which, in the long run, is alright with me because it is reducing a lot of clutter around the house. Magazines. Gone. Shoes, that while really HOT, don't fit. Gone. Etc.

Now it's my turn. I've got a lot of "collectable" CDs that I haven't listened to in ages that I know if I don't sell soon, no one is going to have any interest in. Things I don't listen to, things that I only listen to once in a blue-moon... etc.
(Do people still care about Jeremy Enigk or the Simple Machines label or are they still interested in limited copies of colored Stereolab vinyl?)

While I've always prided myself on having such a large and diverse collection of music... it's getting to an unmanageable state. I'm a completist by nature. I can live and die by an artists discography.
It's time to let go.
Goodbye Catherine Wheel singles.
Goodbye ex-member of Hoover side project band.
Goodbye two-thirds of the Superchunk discography.

I wonder how many years it will be before I'm searching out those Superchunk albums again.

(SEE! That's exactly the kind of thinking that's going to end up killing me!)

Which VW Are You?

by Auto Glass America

it's been exactly one week since i last posted...
and in that time i've buried a friend and feel that i've probably alienated quite a few that are still living.

thanks to those of you who *have* been understanding and supportive. i appreciate it. especially the ones that just let me be.


but, the long and short of it is:
the hermit in me leads me to not do things. to not explain my no shows or even worse, come up with really lame excuses...
but trust me, it's never personal.
and when i'm depressed, my tendencies to duck the world is even greater.
i don't mean to ignore people, or worse make them think i'm actually actively dodging them for any other reason than wanting to be alone.
and sometimes, i really just need to be left alone.
so with that being said. i return to the world.

after saturday morning's funeral, and realizing that it probably wasn't healthy for me to spend an entire weekend inside the house and moping... allison and i decided that there was no better thing to do than to pretend to spend money!

so, we went and registered for wedding gifts we hope for and a lot we could really use...
it's almost like when i used to circle toys in the JC Penny catalog when i was ten, but i never needed any of those things.
(and usually i would receive the most practical ones... funny how those are the things i want now!!)

we drove to the detroit area and went to Crate and Barrel and to Marshall Fields. (seeing how there is absolutely no selection of anything at the Marshall Fields here in Kalamazoo.)
we also visited with allison's parents, got a couple of things repaired on the Saab and went to one of our former favorite mexican resturants in Pontiac. my parents are coming out to kalamazoo this weekend, i'm also planning on going to the black heart procession on friday.

hopefully i'll see some of you around!

so, ive always considered myself lucky when it comes to not "losing" someone that's near and dear to you and yet, i feel SO broken up about someone i barely knew.

i know that i'm not the person to make the difference in his life. i know that i had nothing to do with his losses in his life, his inability to express what was true and real about his life. yet. i somehow feel guilty because i didn't talk to him this week. i ddin't spend time with him last week. he was an aquaintance at best and i somehow feel guilty because he was selfish and took himself out. it's not fair!

goodbye, dear charles.
i barely knew you.

So, I've been quite lazy the past couple of days.
After getting out some applications to a couple of different places for some part-time/change of scenery...
I said to myself, "you deserve a break today" so,
I've done nothing but watch movies. Here's quick thought reviews:

Another State of Mind: Tour Documentary about Youth Brigade and Social Distortion. Pretty bland. A lot of people whining and complaining about each others dedication to the tour. A lot of misguided youth, silly punk ideology, hair coloring, informational spots on slamdancing and insight into how bands break up. . . or at least change/lose members. I guess I thought it a little silly that these kids are "suffering" on tour, yet when they want to bail, they somehow scrape together the money to take the bus back to California from Detroit and D.C. Worst Parts: The horrible voice-overs. . . whoever did the sound on this film needs to be shot. In several places you've got dialogue drowning out other dialogue or songs drowning out dialogue. If you can't do it right, don't try it!! Saving graces: little blurbs with Ian MacKaye (especially the part where he's scooping ice cream in a haagendas t-shirt,) and surprisingly enough, clips with kids about their parents. Some of them are insightful, while others are idiotically hopeless.

Apt Pupil: I think the hardest part about this movie is that we never get an explaination about why this kid is obsessed with Nazi Germany. It doesn't go deep enough on the many different levels it offers-- the boy's trouble with school, his trouble with girls/his friend, his nightmares, etc.--and a lot of things happen too easily. I wasn't displeased with its overall effect, it just left a little to be desired.

Bound: Gina Gershawn and Jennifer Tilly get it on. Other than the annoying and obvious, "these lesbian scenes will sell this movie..." Sure, I can see the whole wanting to get out/wanting to make the big score/lesbian love coming together, but this was definitely the work of "some hot girl making out with another hot girl" inspiration not the previous. I think the idea was right, but the effect left a bad taste. (Allison thought I would be turned on by the whole situation, but I was more annoyed than anything.)
Otherwise I thought the storyline was plausable and fun. You didn't necessarily see things coming, nor did anything really come out of left field without explaination.

Strange Days: I saw this movie a long time ago and it was as good as I remembered it. You can see who the real bad guy is from a mile away, but the overall statements the movie makes about memories, loss of love, and missing love that's right in front of you are done well. The new millenium makes a good backdrop for the story's need for paranoia and chaos. It's futuristic without being too sci-fi. Juliette Lewis is hot, but annoying as usual, so the part suits her well. I wonder if PJ Harvey actually gave the okay for her to sing her songs or if it was the label.

John Carpenter's Vampires: Good Lord! What is James Woods doing in a piece of shit like this! Wait, oh yeah, he really *isn't* that good of an actor. Vampire movies are so hit or miss. This one, misses horribly! Bad one liners, one of the bland Baldwins, a bloated Sheryl Lee (Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks,) cheesy slayings, did I mention bad one-liners, and an unexcusable opening for a sequel. BAD BAD BAD! Why, oh why didn't I rent Return of the Living Dead Part 2!!

Panic Room: Totally recommend this film. So I'm a Fincher fan. Who can blame me? This film loses a lot of the muddled muck of dialogue for straight up suspense. The storyline unfolds nicely and nothing that develops is unessential to the story. Of course, the cinematography is chilling and dark, the way that it should be. Nothing implausible here. Excellent acting all around. I'll even forgive the almost 'Home Alone' type preparation for the final showdown. Excellent film.

40 Days/40 Nights: *Laughs* dot-com(edy)romance. Silly, but enjoyable. I didn't really analyze this as I went along because I didn't expect much from it, other than bad sex jokes and cheesy romance. It delivers on both. Lots of sexual stereotypes solidified, bent, broken, welded back together. "Hot" chicks, horny guys, gratuatious boobs, and then the "awwwwhhhh" how cute, he really loves her. . . okay, enough of that,
let them get it on or this movie won't sell.

We haven't even begun a war and yet, we already have plans for what to do with Iraq once we've displaced Sadam Hussein. (cocky bastards, aren't we?)

We have a plan worked out for postwar occupation similar to the model that was used in Japan after WW2. It would begin with an American military commander led government--most likely General Tommy Franks who is the Commander of U.S. Forces in the Persian Gulf.

It is clear that the U.S. does not want to have anti-Hussein forces in command initally and may occupy Iraq for quite a considerable amount of time. Until now it had been assumed that like in Afghanistan, Iraqi dissidents both inside and out of the country would form a government. Officials have stated that they want to avoid chaos and in-fighting that has been problematic since the removal of Taliban leadership in Afghanistan. Bush wants full control while American forces carry out their principal mission: finding and destroying Hussein's stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. (yeah, right.)

And this is the part that's glossed over by administration officials:

As long as an American led government is in place of Iraq we would essentially control the second largest proven reserves of oil in the world, nearly 11%. A senior administration official said the UN oil-for-food program would be expanded to help finance stabilzation and reconstruction. No crap! Really, we can get a ton of oil out of Iraq by just helping them re-build? Wow, let's keep that transitional government in place for a while yet! *mmmmmmmm* Oil.

----

I also read some of the recorded comments made by Senators both opposing and supporting the proposal of use of force against Iraq. Most of them need to be followed by some smartass junior senator shouting, "No Shit, Sherlock! Tell me something I hadn't figured out!"

----

Hockey season has begun. Joel Wick got NHL Center Ice which allows the boy to watch up to forty games a week. I think my head would explode if I watched forty hockey games a week. Either that or Allison would cave it in *with* the television before announcing, "enough hockey already!"

So I've totally been called out on my inability to update my blog.

(Sorry, Will.)

I've been in a really weird mood of late. Just last week I was *so* torn up about my job and how unhappy I am. Now, it's as if I was never in a depressed state about anything. I dunno. . . maybe it was the cathartic crying session that I had the other day in which I spent several hours blubbering?

For reasoning on my wailing? See: Dissatisfaction with employment.

I bet that most people don't wish for more responsibility at their jobs the way that I do.
I wish the title of assistant manager that, hmmm... everyone carries... had some meaning. That would be a nice start. Second, it would be nice if my boss had a little faith in her employees and would just go ahead a take a week vacation. I think she envisions the place falling to pieces without her daily presence. The truth of the matter is that the day to day store operations would probably run a hell of a lot smoother if she wasn't around. Of course, that would mean that she would have to deal with some of her own personal demons, which at the age of at least sixty. I don't think she's ready to tackle. (um, right.)

- - -

George Bush is quickly making the world into a place where war is the answer to the guy who steps on your shoe or "looks at you wrong." Sure. America. Big and mighty. Always putting our nose where it doesn't belong. Doing it for decades. With our current rationale we can just waltz in, or cruise missile our way in, and take what we want. Right? Opening the door for many a nation to follow suit because, "Hey, if it's good enough for the 'World's Only Superpower' it's good enough for us!" Puh-lease. Can we keep our foreign policy agenda above the level of middle school lunch room fights? As far as I can tell, the consequences are going to be far greater than Saturday school or a three-day suspension.

My childhood nightmares of Red Dawn gone horrible personal are soon to reappear. I hope Patrick Swayze doesn't try to Dirty Dance with me again. WOLVERINES!!!!!

I really don't want to have to work today. Strike that. I really don't want to have to work at my current job. Yeah, that about sums it up. I've just about had it with the News Agency. The 'usual' customers bug me, my boss bugs me, the place bugs me. I could go into specific detail, but why get myself worked up before I even get there. I'll have six and a half hours to do that when I'm required to be there.

One of my job prospects is definately not going to happen. I got one of those "thanks, but no thanks" cards through the mail today. I actually think that is quite nice though. At least it saves me the effort bothering to try to contact them now. Although, that job was the most tasty. $35-40K with a company car and expenditure coverage. Oh, well. I'm not sure I *really* wanted to work for 7-11. *laughs*

I have the house to myself for a few days. Which is weird, but nice I think. Our house guest is gone. Allison is on a drawing trip to Luddington with the design program. I plan on finishing cleaning/organizing the office and working some more on the outside trim, reading, drinking lots of coffee, listening to sad, sad music.

I'm still kinda in a funk. My mood has not taken the upward swing I was hoping it might take after Jim was gone. I think my unhappiness with my job is definately the weight that's keeping me submerged.

Music: PedrotheLion, RedHousePainters, Songs:Ohia, BlackHeartProcession
Reads: Neuromancer by William Gibson (my third or fourth reread)
Glossy: XLR8R