Allison still has not heard back from TODA. She is not too worried about it because the person that she interviewed with said that it could be a few weeks before she heard back from him. (But I know the anticipation is building) She did send him an e-mail letting him know how much she appreciated the interview and hoping that things would work out. I told her that there wasn't much else to do except wait, but not too long. I told her that in a week she should probably give the guy a call and find out the status of the position. Of course, she will be holding her breath until that time... can you blame her? I think I see her turning a nice shade of blue-ish purple, right now.

I had a nice chat with her about where things are going for me.
I told her that while Bronson sure does pay the bills, it isn't necessarily what I want.
She told me, "I would hope so. I do not want to have to live in Kalamazoo forever!!"
It's bigger than Kalamazoo though... but I know that she understands.

I tell myself that I can work wherever... which is true, but why would I want to keep working at a job that I don't really love? I'm not saying that I shouldn't be greatful for my job. I am. I am very lucky to have the job that I do. Especially with the very little computer training that I have.

I should be greatful because it's a good paying job with good benefits as well, and I am.
Eventually though, I shouldn't be working at a job that I'll just get burnt out on or frustrated with that I'll eventually come to resent and then be mad at myself for not going after what I want.

Going with Ed to Chicago and seeing Colombia College was reaffirming to me.
That I should be doing something that I love. They really pushed the fact that they're all about their student's passions. They really seem like enablers.
"Oh, you want to do x, y, and z. Well, we can help you attain those goals."
It seems as if they're pretty close to their students, rather than what it was like for me at Michigan State. I dunno. I kinda blame the school, but mostly I blame myself. If I really wanted an education from MSU... I could have gone after it and succeeded. But I didn't. I didn't know what I wanted then. I certainly had no idea that there were non-state schools that might be more challenging and enabling, but I don't think that would have made any difference anyway. I didn't know about careers. I mean, I knew about careers like being a doctor, an engineer, a teacher, etc. but I didn't know about anything about publicists, promoters, business owners, freelance writers -- not to mention a plethora of other jobs I could have sparked an interest in.

Besides I was too wrapped up in a breakup, depression, and partying to care about class.


So, where am I going with all of this?
Yeah, that's a good question.
I see it like this.

1. I'm going to go back to school. I really feel like I'm wasting my intelligence. I'm a smart guy, but I seem to know just a little about a whole lot of things. I talked with Ivo, Ed, and Simon about that. They seem to think that it's okay. Maybe even admirable. I don't think it's okay or admirable. I feel like I can do some of things that I want to do, but I can only do them half-assedly. I can't deal with that anymore. I really feel like directed course study is what I want and need. Everything else can be a hobby, or an interest I have that isn't as important. But I listen to Ivo and Simon talk about design, or some of my co-workers talk about computers, or other people I know talk about the mechanics of things. I'm not an expert on anything, really. I work an entry level job as a Computer Tech, AND I HAVE
ABSOLUTELY NO TRAINING IN THE FIELD, NOR THE DESIRE TO LEARN OR CONTINUE IN THIS FIELD!!

2. I really want to make a difference in kids lives. My aforementioned lack of drive and
confusion as to what I could do with myself has led me to believe that I can help direct kids down the paths that they might not know about, but really want to know about. I feel like I need to do this as much as I want to do this. It's really bigger than myself, but it's for me just as much as it's for any kids I might help. I would feel success at helping just one kid make a decision that they might not necessarily have had the opportunity to make.
I want to teach, inform, and educate... I want to direct, counsel, and suggest... I want to mold, focus, and direct... young lives. We need patient, caring, and understanding people to do it... and I know I'd be good at it.
I just have to do it.
So I will.

3a. I really really love music. I do eventually want to own my own record store. Eventually, I will own my own record store. THE GOAL: Eventual record store owner.

3b. I love people that play music. I want to help people that play good music succeed in their goals. I want to book shows for them, I want to publicize the crap out of their bands,
I want to help make them as BIG as they want to be. Freelance publicist, that's me!!

3c. I want to be in a band. A band that plays a few shows a month for some big-timers that roll through town, maybe we'll release an album and I can publicise the crap out of that. People around the country might like us enough so that maybe we can tour
the midwest. Maybe we'll play a two week summer national tour. I don't want to be a rockstar, but maybe people out there might like my music enough to warrent a small write up in one of my favorite magazines or websites.
Local Indie-rocker boy, yup, that's me.

3d. I listen to a lot of music. I'm a decent writer. I'm about two steps away from having my own record review site up on the internet. I've got friends that listen to a lot of music. Some of them are good writers too. Hmmm. Maybe I should ask them if they'd like to
review music for my impending website. Yeah, music-website guru... uh huh, you know it. ME! ME! ME!

Of course, #3 is a spare time kinda thing. I don't have to do it all, at least not all of it, right away!! It's one of those things that I know will keep me busy enough, but not so busy that I can't do what I need to do. It'll satisfy my need for being involved with music, but not drive me insane.

So, the next question is...
When do I start my dreams?